Hello Ganesh,
Glad to hear from you. My first encounter
with Sivaraja was a few days into starting our second MB. My dissecting
partner of the upper limb Vasanthanathan invited me to visit him at his
boarding in Cotta road. I went there after work still reeking of the
post-dissection formalin. Vasanthanathans bicycle with the attached cane
basket in front, was parked outside with two more bikes. Entering via a
narrow corridor I went into a smallish room where three beds and a
table were squeezed in. All three inmates, Sivaraja, Sankaranarayana and
Vasanthanathan were seated inside and welcomed me. There was a picture
of Lord Ganesha on the rear of the table propped upright.
Sankaranarayana asked me 'Would you like a drink? I following the
courtesies of Jaffna politely refused expecting a second offer for tea
or a softt drink. Sankkaranarayana, pulled out a glass and a bottle of
half empty arrack from behind the framed picture of Lord Ganesha and
offered it to me. Brought up in the puritannical upbringing of Hartley
College I was astounded and refused it.....
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Email
forwarded by Sivaraja.
For
many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had
gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with
them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot
when they are faced with their own mortality.
I
learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes
were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected,
denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every
single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of
them.
When
questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most
common five:
1.
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life
others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It
is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the
way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health
brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2.
I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By
simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it
is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating
more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new
opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We
cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may
initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in
the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.
Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life.
Either way, you win.
4.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It
is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when
you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life
fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if
possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for
them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they
love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.
It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is
all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before .........
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before .........
Posted by Philip
Veerasingam at 4:32 PM
I am attaching a photo of our second MB trip to the
Peradeniya gardens where you may be able to identify Sivaraja.
Aum Sri Sai Ram
An Appreciation of
Late Dr.N.Sivarajah
-----------------------------------------------
My Humble Salutations to
the Cosmic Power!!!
Jaffna Medical Association
has given me this noble and humble task of expressing
an appreciation and
respect to Late Dr.N.Sivarajah.
Friends I shall squeeze
this tribute into the time allocated.
He was born in Negombo
almost 80 years back, grew in Diwulupitya, had the primary and secondary
education at St Mary,s college, Negombo,
Pre University
Education at Ananda
College, Colombo and for a short time at Jaffna Hindu College. Graduated as a doctor from the University of
Ceylon, obtained post-graduate degrees from the Tropical medicine & Health
Institute, London and from the Post Graduate Institute Colombo.( MD & DPH)
Held various posts in the
Department of Health such as DMO, MOH,Port Health officer, traversed the length
and breadth of Sri Lanka serving in Amparai, Mawathugama, Kegalle, Vavuniya,
Manipay, Kayts,Anuradhapura and Colombo.
In the University Of
Jaffna,he served as Senior Lecturer and Head of Department of Community
Medicine from 1988 to 2003. After this he became the Coordinator
In Jaffna for the WHO from 2003 to 2013.
In the JMA, he was a Life
Member, Vice President from 1982 till
1985., President of this noble Association in 1986/87 and was the Editor of
Jaffna Medical Journal
from 1988 till 2003. His articles and abstracts in the JMJ from
1986 till 2010 focused on Parasitic Infestation and Nutrition of Children,
Heroin Addiction(drug
was introduced into Jaffna
in 1983), & Pattern of Cancer Disease in Jaffna District.
He had written an
appreciation of Dr.V.Krishnarajah , Past President of JMA, Editor of JMJ and
Consultant Surgeon at Jaffna Teaching Hospital In JMJ 1994.
He vehemently pointed out
the aberration in the Infant and Maternal Mortality Rates published during the
Civil War period. He found out that only
50 % of the deaths were registered during that period.
Other than the JMA, he had
headed several other Organizations such as Jaffna Science Association(2001 to
2002) , Association for Health Education and Development(AHEAD) &
association for the rehabilitation of the Disabled(AROD)
Other than Medical
Students, he had lectured to Students of Allied health & Science Department,
Students of Nurses training College and Schools.
He had edited a magazine
“Suha Manjari” to the Para Medics.
He always talked how he
played a role in One Day Stoppage of War to distribute vaccines throughout the
island. He also talked about how the
communicable diseases were controlled or prevented in the refugee camps.
During his close
association with the terminally ill cancer patients, he observed the common
regrets expressed by these patients during their last days. These regrets as expressed by the patients
are :
1.I wish I’d had the courage to live a
life true to myself and not the life others
Expected of me.
2. I wish I’d had not worked so hard ,
neglecting the family
3. I wish, I’d had the courage to
express my feelings
4. I wish that I had stayed in touch
with my friends
He had passed on these
observations by E mail to our mutual friend Dr.Philip
Veerasingam in April 2014.
He was a man of resolute and strong will. He became a victim of violence on 24.08.2009
in his Department office. The
perpetrator of the violence left the Faculty
without finishing the course. This did not deter him from doing his work
with enthusiasm.
Friends! We paid our last respect to his body in
this hall last Sunday 11.03.2019.
The body is no more. But we can pay respect to his work and ideas
eternally.
After associating with him
for many years, I came to know his motto which is
“Prevention
is better than cure”
Later on he changed it
into:
“Prevention benefits far more patients than
clinical medicine.
Prevention is
more certain than cure”
We humbly bow down to his
ideals and exemplary life.
May the Cosmic Power
bestow Peace in All.
Thank you
Dr.R.Ganeshamoorthy
15th March 2019
