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Mar 13, 2019, 10:32 PM (9 hours ago)
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8:05 AM (0 minutes ago)
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Hello Ganesh,
Glad
to hear from you. My first encounter with Sivaraja was a few days into
starting our second MB. My dissecting partner of the upper limb
Vasanthanathan invited me to visit him at his boarding in Cotta road. I
went there after work still reeking of the post-dissection formalin.
Vasanthanathans bicycle with the attached cane basket in front, was
parked outside with two more bikes. Entering via a narrow corridor I
went into a smallish room where three beds and a table were squeezed in.
All three inmates, Sivaraja, Sankaranarayana and Vasanthanathan were
seated inside and welcomed me. There was a picture of Lord Ganesha on
the rear of the table propped upright. Sankaranarayana asked me 'Would
you like a drink? I following the courtesies of Jaffna politely refused
expecting a second offer for tea or a softt drink. Sankkaranarayana,
pulled out a glass and a bottle of half empty arrack from behind the
framed picture of Lord Ganesha and offered it to me. Brought up in the
puriitannical upbringing of Hartley College was astounded and refused
it.....
Wednesday, April 16, 2014
Email
forwarded by Sivaraja.
For
many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had
gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with
them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot
when they are faced with their own mortality.
I
learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes
were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected,
denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every
single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of
them.
When
questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do
differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most
common five:
1.
I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life
others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It
is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the
way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health
brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it.
2.
I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By
simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it
is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating
more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new
opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.
3.
I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We
cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may
initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in
the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level.
Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life.
Either way, you win.
4.
I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It
is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when
you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life
fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if
possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for
them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they
love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task.
It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is
all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5.
I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before .........
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before .........
Posted by Philip
Veerasingam at 4:32 PM
I am attaching a photo of our second MB trip to the
Peradeniya gardens where you may be able to identify Sivaraja.
Otherphotos on Public Health trips and in one of our get-togethers
Ganesh, Hope this satisfies your needs. Please send me a copy of your address to post on the batch blog.
My regards to Jeya & Daughter.
Philip| Rasiah Ganeshamoorthy | Mar 13, 2019, 9:44 PM (10 hours ago) |
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